Any couple who has a new baby know that children complicate
life. When once you could just pick up
and go somewhere, now you have to move an incredible amount of stuff. Diapers, wipes, changing pads, bottles, bibs,
change of clothes for excessive blow outs from one end or the other, a carrier,
maybe a play pen or porta crib or stroller, toys, blankets, pacifiers and toys. Logistics become complicated too,
with nap time and play time and eating time; and if anyone of them is delayed,
everyone is sorry.
When they get older, the stuff just keeps accumulating, and
increasingly busy schedules compound the tension. Unfortunately, this isn’t good for their
mental health nor our emotional health.
So let’s talk about simplifying our kid’s lives: their stuff,
their schedule, and their rhythm of life.
If you’ve ever tiptoed your way through a minefield of toys
on the front room floor and felt extreme relief that you weren’t mortally wounded
by a Leggo, you know that toys need to be tamed.
Most children have too many toys. The effect is sensory overload and an odd
feeling of dissatisfaction. So which
toys do we keep and which do we donate or throw away?
- · Keep the comfort toys they take to bed—these should always stay
- · Keep toys that involve building, construction, and digging
- · Keep toys that involve role playing: kitchens, dress-up clothes, action figures or dolls that can be part of a story the child can imagine and participate in.
- · Keep receptive toys such as favorite dolls or stuffed animals: toys that just receive.
- Keep creative materials such as paints, crayons, clay or play dough, stickers, glue, colored paper, and scissors.
Ones that just sit on a shelf
and look pretty, maybe in their original packaging, aren’t toys. They are collections and maybe aren’t
appropriate for a young child.
·
- · Remove any toys that are broken or have missing parts.
- · Remove toys that limit imagination. Toys that light up or make a noise when you push a button are prime candidates.
- · Remove toys your child hasn’t played with in over a month.
- · Remove toys that they’ve outgrown.
- · Remove duplicates (how many Barbie dolls or Buzz lightyears do they need?).
If there are still too many toys, put some away in a
rotating library to exchange out from time to time.
Then find a spot for the ones you keep. If you lean toward the OCD spectrum, you can
have an individual place for each item and have your child put one toy away
before they play with the next.
If you lean toward the OCD spectrum, you can have an individual place for each item and have your child put one toy away before they play with the next.
If you are more laid back, you can just have some bins for each type of toy.
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Although mine was more likely to look like this.
A huge toy box doesn’t work very well. It keeps them off the floor but is
overwhelming to a child opening it to find something to play with. It hides broken toys, some clothes, maybe
school work, and the good stuff. And
everything has to come out when searching for the prize toy at the bottom.
Once your children start school, they have too much
paper. It is staggering the amount of
paper your children bring home from school on a weekly basis.
Weekly newsletters, progress reports, graded
papers, projects, permission slips, PTA forms, notices, art work, homework, and
office forms fill their backpacks, and then overflow your tables and turn your counters
into chaos. What to do with it all?
Each day as they come home, do a paperwork triage. Notices of upcoming dates go on your
calendar. Sign any necessary papers and
forms and return to their backpacks. A
lot of the paper load can just be read and then go into the trash. Then comes the difficult job of decided what
to do with your child’s art work, spelling tests, awards, poems and stories,
etc. Although you love every single bit
of work he does, you need to make a choice: to keep files upon files of
paperwork you’ll never look at to clutter your house, or to simplify and only
keep the pieces that are extremely well done or have special significance.
You can post most daily art work and good
grades on the ‘frig or a bulletin board or hang them from a wire and admire
them, but they aren’t permanent. They
will be replaced when the next ones are produced. After you decide how much you are going to
keep, have your child help you decide which are the very best to be saved. You are not a bad mom if you throw away
something your child made.
My dad was in the Air Force and we moved every one to three
years. I have nothing from my grade
school years except the annual class picture.
I am not scarred by this, nor have I ever wished I could see the
hand-print turkey I made in Kindergarten. I kept some samples of my children’s school
and art work, but only about one or two special items a year. You can be a little more generous, but
seriously consider if you are really giving honor to your child’s creation by
keeping everything she makes and letting it pile up.
So ask yourself:
· Is
this a good example of my child’s work?
· Do I
like it or is it special to my child?
· Is it
something I’ll regret not keeping?
· Have I
already saved other examples of this type of school work or artwork?
If you decide to keep it, after displaying it, put it away
in a file, folder, album, manila envelope, or box.
You should also consider simplifying their books, and their
clothes. You’ve got the idea now.
Sometimes harder than simplifying things is simplifying
schedules. Kids with a packed agenda of
school work, sports, extracurricular activities, lessons, chores each day may
feel stressed and chaotic.
Developmental
psychologist David Elkind reports that children have lost more than 12 hours of
free time per week in the last two decades, meaning they’ve lost the
opportunity for the creative play and exploration that children need.
Simplifying your family’s schedule can reduce the frantic
feeling of always being on the go. We as
mothers often have a hard time simplifying activities because this involves
saying “no”, maybe to others, and maybe to our child. Cutting back to just one or two of your child’s
favorite activities can give them time and freedom to play and explore. Setting effective screen time limits keeps your
child distraction-free and helps her learn to find joy in the present
moment.
In Simplicity Parenting, Kim
John Payne says, “A child who doesn’t experience leisure—or better yet, boredom—will
always be looking for external stimulation, activity, or entertainment.”
Besides limiting activities and providing downtime,
routines and teaching them self-sufficiency simplifies both their lives and
yours. When they learn to hang their
jacket up when they come in the door, have a place for their homework, put
their shoes where they can find them in the morning, there is no frantic panic
in the morning. Planning and prepping ahead
also ease the frustration jams of the day.
I remember one son who was late to junior high every day for a week because
he couldn’t find his shoes. Finally, on
Friday, totally frustrated, I lost my temper and sent him out the door in his
socks. He meekly came back in about 15
minutes and I meekly let him in. He didn’t
lose his shoes after that. He became
responsible for knowing where they were.
And lastly, simplify the rhythm of their lives. Institute quiet bedtimes, with a song or a
story. Get outside to run and play. Nature provides endless possibilities for
healthy stimulation, creativity and confidence building.
Have family time together (that means you need
to put away your smart phone or tablet too).
Don’t let the terrible news of the world overwhelm them—limit or edit
outside information. Simplify the small
daily things. Let them be messy, or silly,
or creative, or adventurous.
Let them be
kids.
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