I was blessed to be able to attend two family reunions last
month. One was for my descendants: children,
grandchildren, and great grandchildren. They came from California, Utah, Idaho,
Colorado, Pennsylvania, Washington, and Alaska. The other was for my siblings
and our spouses. Both were different,
but both were wonderful bonding times.
Families are all different, and thus family reunions come in
all shapes and sizes. The trick is to
find what works for your family.
We attend a huge reunion about every four years for
descendants of my husband’s great grandparents.
They homesteaded in the Green Mountains of Arizona and the family still
has the property. That is where the
reunion is held. About 700 – 1000
attend, camping, RVing, or staying in cabins.
This is a major effort, with evening programs, family history plays,
pioneer activities for the children, dances that start out multi-generational
and as the youngest and oldest fade out, evolve into teen and young adult
dances. There are teen get-to-know-you
activities, fund raisers, races, flipper contests, horseshoe, volleyball tournaments,
catered meals, and lots and lots of visiting.
Whiting Reunion 2010
The first of August we celebrated our 55th wedding anniversary
with a family reunion of our own descendants.
We had 34 attend, camping or Airbnb-ing in a beautiful canyon. We hiked, swam, did an escape room, had a
talent show and family history games, and played at a ski resort’s summer
activities program. Each family took
turns preparing a meal.
Brown Family Reunion 2018 (see my 3 cute great grandchildren)
The end of August we joined my siblings for a reunion. We rented places to stay, ate our dinners in
restaurants, and had minimal (but fun) activities, had some lectures on family
history and other topics that some of us had knowledge on, and spent most of
our time visiting.
Stay Sibling Reunion, 2018
Each reunion was different, yet each fulfilled the purpose of
drawing us together, helping us re-connect, and taking us back to our roots. They helped children meet and get to know
their cousins, aunts and uncles, and grandparents. It introduced those new to the family to the
extended group. It helped us celebrate
our shared heritage and culture, exchange family stories, and honor the memory
of ancestors who have come before us.
There are many sites on-line that will help you plan a
reunion. I just have a few things that I
feel are necessities.
1.
There needs to be activities for teens. Children can run around and find their own
things to do, but teens are self-conscious, unwilling to do things that might
make them humiliated, and prone to hide behind their phones or pout. The first activities should be ones that
introduce them to each other. We have an
annual “Cousins’ Conference” and one of the first things we do is have them
stand in a circle and each one in turn says his or her first name and an
adjective that starts with the same letter or rhymes with it, and an action
that goes with the adjective. e.g.
“Carin’ Sharon” with both hands over the heart, or “Ecstatic Elaine” with a
hand-up jump. Then the group has to
repeat the name with the action, and the one before, and the one before
that. By the time you get all the way
around the circle (and maybe back a little to reinforce the last ones) you
really know everyone’s name and a little bit about their personality.
They do service projects together, hikes,
swim, create video vignettes, teen panels for serious questions, perform. They love to come and look forward to it
every year.
2.
It should be affordable and accessible to
everyone.
3.
There should be time for family stories.
4.
Responsibilities should be shared. There are more ideas that way, and no one
comes away totally exhausted. I put one
daughter in charge of games. She had all
the family send her baby pictures of themselves and their mates and
children. She printed them out on little
stickers, made a family pedigree chart, and had everyone stick the pictures on
the chart. I would have never thought of
that, but even the first-timers had a fun time comparing eyes and noses and
guessing who was who.
5.
You need to be flexible. Things don’t go according to plan. It might rain the day you plan an outdoor
activity. For our own reunion, the
campground where we were staying called three days before we started to say a
water main had broken and there would be no water. There was some panic and scrambling, but we
were able to take water for 34 people for 3 days and it went just fine. One daughter’s flight got shifted and she
arrived 24 hours after she planned, but she made it. We had planned some activities in the canyon
where we were staying when we learned there was a huge bike race and the canyon
would be closed all afternoon.
We were
able to reschedule some activities so we were out of the canyon that
afternoon. It all went amazingly well despite
the problems. The key is to not collapse
in despair, but to roll with the punches and make the best of it.
What if your family doesn’t get along? One son-in-law, when invited to the first
reunion of our family, wasn’t sure he wanted to come. In his family get-togethers, he said, the adults
just sat around and argued. Another said
his drinking Italian family surpassed mere arguments and often came to
fisticuffs. One relative said his
children don’t get along with each other.
They exhibit sibling rivalry at its worst. They are confrontational, defensive, and
easily offended. The kids claim their
best reunion was one where they went to Orlando Beach, stayed in the same area,
ate breakfast and dinner together, and did their own thing during the day.
Perhaps you can make some rules—no drinking, certain sensitive
topics are off limit. Maybe visiting
time is limited. If things get heated,
the whole reunion goes into time out…be creative, use humor. Or possibly, you can have your family reunion
one or two families at a time. Don’t get
hung up on how it looks—just remember your purpose.
I feel closer to my children and their mates, more in touch
with my grandchildren, more in tune with my siblings, more connected with their
mates. I feel closer to my parents and
grandparents. My heart is filled with
love for my family, close and extended.
And that is what a reunion is all about.
