Family Reunions

I was blessed to be able to attend two family reunions last month.  One was for my descendants: children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.  They came from California, Utah, Idaho, Colorado, Pennsylvania, Washington, and Alaska. The other was for my siblings and our spouses.  Both were different, but both were wonderful bonding times.

Families are all different, and thus family reunions come in all shapes and sizes.  The trick is to find what works for your family.

We attend a huge reunion about every four years for descendants of my husband’s great grandparents.  They homesteaded in the Green Mountains of Arizona and the family still has the property.  That is where the reunion is held.  About 700 – 1000 attend, camping, RVing, or staying in cabins.  This is a major effort, with evening programs, family history plays, pioneer activities for the children, dances that start out multi-generational and as the youngest and oldest fade out, evolve into teen and young adult dances.  There are teen get-to-know-you activities, fund raisers, races, flipper contests, horseshoe, volleyball tournaments, catered meals, and lots and lots of visiting.

Whiting Reunion 2010

The first of August we celebrated our 55^th wedding anniversary with a family reunion of our own descendants.  We had 34 attend, camping or Airbnb-ing in a beautiful canyon.  We hiked, swam, did an escape room, had a talent show and family history games, and played at a ski resort’s summer activities program.  Each family took turns preparing a meal.

Brown Family Reunion 2018  (see my 3 cute great grandchildren)

The end of August we joined my siblings for a reunion.  We rented places to stay, ate our dinners in restaurants, and had minimal (but fun) activities, had some lectures on family history and other topics that some of us had knowledge on, and spent most of our time visiting.

Stay Sibling Reunion, 2018

Each reunion was different, yet each fulfilled the purpose of drawing us together, helping us re-connect, and taking us back to our roots.  They helped children meet and get to know their cousins, aunts and uncles, and grandparents.  It introduced those new to the family to the extended group.  It helped us celebrate our shared heritage and culture, exchange family stories, and honor the memory of ancestors who have come before us.

There are many sites on-line that will help you plan a reunion.  I just have a few things that I feel are necessities.

1.      There needs to be activities for teens.  Children can run around and find their own things to do, but teens are self-conscious, unwilling to do things that might make them humiliated, and prone to hide behind their phones or pout.  The first activities should be ones that introduce them to each other.  We have an annual “Cousins’ Conference” and one of the first things we do is have them stand in a circle and each one in turn says his or her first name and an adjective that starts with the same letter or rhymes with it, and an action that goes with the adjective.  e.g. “Carin’ Sharon” with both hands over the heart, or “Ecstatic Elaine” with a hand-up jump.  Then the group has to repeat the name with the action, and the one before, and the one before that.  By the time you get all the way around the circle (and maybe back a little to reinforce the last ones) you really know everyone’s name and a little bit about their personality.  

     They do service projects together, hikes, swim, create video vignettes, teen panels for serious questions, perform.  They love to come and look forward to it every year.

2.     It should be affordable and accessible to everyone. 

3.     There should be time for family stories.

4.     Responsibilities should be shared.  There are more ideas that way, and no one comes away totally exhausted.  I put one daughter in charge of games.  She had all the family send her baby pictures of themselves and their mates and children.  She printed them out on little stickers, made a family pedigree chart, and had everyone stick the pictures on the chart.  I would have never thought of that, but even the first-timers had a fun time comparing eyes and noses and guessing who was who.

5.     You need to be flexible.  Things don’t go according to plan.  It might rain the day you plan an outdoor activity.  For our own reunion, the campground where we were staying called three days before we started to say a water main had broken and there would be no water.  There was some panic and scrambling, but we were able to take water for 34 people for 3 days and it went just fine.  One daughter’s flight got shifted and she arrived 24 hours after she planned, but she made it.  We had planned some activities in the canyon where we were staying when we learned there was a huge bike race and the canyon would be closed all afternoon.  

      We were able to reschedule some activities so we were out of the canyon that afternoon.  It all went amazingly well despite the problems.  The key is to not collapse in despair, but to roll with the punches and make the best of it.

What if your family doesn’t get along?  One son-in-law, when invited to the first reunion of our family, wasn’t sure he wanted to come.  In his family get-togethers, he said, the adults just sat around and argued.  Another said his drinking Italian family surpassed mere arguments and often came to fisticuffs.  One relative said his children don’t get along with each other.  They exhibit sibling rivalry at its worst.  They are confrontational, defensive, and easily offended.  The kids claim their best reunion was one where they went to Orlando Beach, stayed in the same area, ate breakfast and dinner together, and did their own thing during the day.

Perhaps you can make some rules—no drinking, certain sensitive topics are off limit.  Maybe visiting time is limited.  If things get heated, the whole reunion goes into time out…be creative, use humor.  Or possibly, you can have your family reunion one or two families at a time.  Don’t get hung up on how it looks—just remember your purpose.

I feel closer to my children and their mates, more in touch with my grandchildren, more in tune with my siblings, more connected with their mates.  I feel closer to my parents and grandparents.  My heart is filled with love for my family, close and extended.  And that is what a reunion is all about.